What do we know about the man most often referred to as “Chris Sims”?
Very little, as it turns out. As he has practically no presence on the web (a Wikipedia search returns an article about a role-playing game designer), it is very difficult to find any information on him. We can, with some hesitancy, assert that he has a haircut that earns scorn from passersby, and that he seems to obsessively enjoy Belgian soap operas intended for pre-teen girls (this one seems wrong; we’re having our researchers look into it).
What we can state for certain is that he is someone who takes it upon himself to say wrong opinions really loudly.
Recent examples include his assertion that Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 is a masterpiece of storytelling, while award-winning puzzle platformer Braid is an infuriating disaster. Additionally, he has on repeated occasions established his belief that you can only be a true, right-headed comics fan if you enjoy comics featuring those deep cut characters that only someone fastidiously well-versed in superhero history would know, like Batman, Spider-Man, and the Punisher. To like anyone else is to be wrong, and dumb.
However, there is one opinion that this enigma of a man has proffered that we can all assent to:
DRACULA IS PRETTY COOL.
We can see that in effect in the second issue of the online series DRACULA THE UNCONQUERED, in which our hero, a bloodthirsty madman here rendered more as a blood-interested Scrooge McDuck, must escape a series of increasingly amusing death traps with the assistance of his human companion who probably has a name; I don’t remember.
Anyway, my points are these:
1) Dracula is cool
2) Death traps are cool
3) Jokes about and by Dracula are cool
4) Comics are cool
5) You should buy this comic because it is one dollar and otherwise you were just going to squander that dollar on Totino’s Party Pizza flavored potato crisps at Target